when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
