3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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