i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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