So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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