when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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