Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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