Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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