I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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