I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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