I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
