Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
