just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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