felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
