wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
