is your mom at the bar?
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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