Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
