Moan for me like Helen Keller
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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