you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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