if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
