What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
