I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
