I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
no you cant smoke seaweed
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
