He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
