Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
