What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
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hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize