ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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