Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
