So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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