its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Dicks are not precious.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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