I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
