There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
