Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
