i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
