I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
