I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
