I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He better not be in your backpack
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
