I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
