LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
