Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
