apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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