my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My feet surprised me
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