I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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