My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
