I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
