I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
