at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
