I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
