The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
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One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
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YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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