Having a random hookup so left but love u
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
