his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
