oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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