Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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