I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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