Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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