My pussy is not your playground.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
