i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
