shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
