think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
