You really coming over, don't trick.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
