Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
