she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
