i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
