Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
you had me at cake vodka
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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