Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
