Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
How does it feel to date your dad?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
