Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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