I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
