i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm sobbing to NWA
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
