At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
