Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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