ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
