Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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