pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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