i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
