he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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