This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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