looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
