just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
