Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
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He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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