I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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