He is an equal opportunity slut.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
