What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
