Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
