What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
